Wanting Us Page 3

  I give her a half smile because if I don’t fix this with Liz, I’m about to lose Mack as a friend as well. “I know. Try not to hate me too much. I know what I did was stupid but I’m trying to apologize and make it right.”

  “Good luck.” I smile at her before we both go our different ways. Once at my car, I throw it in reverse and head home. On my way I try to think of the best way to apologize. In all honesty, if I can get her to answer the door I’m going to just go to my knees and apologize over and over. Pulling into my driveway, I can see Liz’s car parked next door. My car is barely in park before I jump out of it and run to Liz’s house, but as I’m running down her driveway, I see her carrying a bag to her car. “Liz.”

  She looks at me and hurries to her car. “Go away Liam. I told you I don’t want to talk to you.”

  Closing the distance between us, I stand right in front of her car door so she can’t open it. “Liz I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. Please yell and scream at me. I deserve all of it. I just can’t stand you cutting me out.”

  “You can’t fix this Liam. We’re done. Stop trying to talk to me.”

  She pushes me to the side so she can open her door and I step back running my fingers through my hair. What can I say to change her mind? I can’t lose her. “I love you Liz.” This isn’t the first time I told her this, but this is the first I’ve put all my emotions of what losing her will feel like behind it.

  She shakes her head and I can see the tears in her eyes. “Don’t.” It’s killing me seeing her this upset and I can’t hold her in my arms to make it better because I caused this. She looks at me one last time before getting in her car and backing out of the driveway. I just stand off to the side with my hands on the back of my neck and my head hanging low. I’ve ruined the most important relationship in my life and seeing the hurt in her eyes, I know she’s never going to forgive me.

  Chapter Six

  Liam

  Present

  “Okay we can talk.” A smile starts forming on my face and I’m trying my best to hide it. I can’t believe she’s finally going to let me explain and apologize. Wanting to be closer to her, I remove the small space between us knowing my smile is very prominent. She quickly brings her hand up stopping me mid-stride. “Don’t smile Liam. This is going to be really hard for me. This isn’t a fun topic to talk about.”

  She looks down trying to hide the emotions running over her face. A tear runs down her cheek and I quickly reach out and wipe it away with my thumb. I rub my knuckles along her cheek and down under her chin, getting her to look up at me.

  When her beautiful golden eyes meet mine, I can almost see the bad memory flashing through her mind. “Liz, this isn’t going to be easy for me either. I know that day was harder on you but I lost a huge part of me too.” I move my hand from her chin to around the side of her neck and for a split second I think she actually leans into my touch. “I was only smiling because I’m glad you’re finally talking to me again. And being this close to you …”

  I’m interrupted by a knock at the door and I can feel Liz flinch underneath my hand. We both look at the door and I can tell Liz is hesitant. “Who’s…”

  I look down at her and nod letting her know I’ll get it. “It’s probably just Caleb with the restraining order documents.”

  Looking through the peephole just to make sure, I can feel Liz hovering behind me. I hear her let out a breath she must’ve been holding when I open the door and step to the side showing her Caleb trying to look as professional as possible.

  Caleb is easily one of my best friends. While he’s serious about being a cop, he’s also a goofball at heart. He definitely makes our shifts, staking out warehouses and busting drug deals fun as he tells me about some of his wild stories. He grew up in Manhattan living the rich kid lifestyle and getting away with everything until he told his dad that he wanted to be a cop instead of joining the family law practice. That’s when his dad disowned him, so he cashed in his bank accounts before his dad could clear them out and headed to Raleigh for the Police Academy.

  “Dude. I thought you were going to beat the shit out of that asshole.” Caleb walks into Liz’s apartment and wraps his arm around her shoulders like he’s known her forever. She wraps her arm around his waist and relaxes into him.

  Apart of me is a little jealous that she’s letting him that close to her. “Shut up man. I wouldn’t have hit him.”

  Caleb lets out a loud “ha” before looking down at Liz and bumping her hip. “This lady right here had to save your ass.” Liz has a big smirk on her face as she tries not to laugh. “You guys may not have talked for several years but she can read you just as well as I can.”

  Liz stiffens and her confused eyes connect with mine but before I get to explain Caleb starts shaking her. “Loosen up. Don’t freak out. We tell each other everything. That’s what makes us great partners.”

  Liz scrunches her eyebrows together and tilts her head to the side looking at me. “You talk about me?”

  Caleb lets his arm fall from around her shoulders and turns to face her. “Girl, he talks about…”

  Oh shit! He’s about to spill how much she is constantly on my mind. Especially since a couple of days ago when Drew first asked me to help with her move. “Caleb. Don’t you have something to give her and a job to get back to?”

  Caleb gives me a smirk like he knew exactly what he was doing. I shake my head slightly at him. He’s such a dick sometimes. “You’re right Liam. This isn’t the time to tell Liz all your dirty secrets. I do have work to do.”

  He pulls out the restraining order and walks over to the kitchen island with Liz following close behind. While he explains the restraining order to Liz and where to turn it in, I busy myself with getting the table set and the glasses filled with water. By the time everything is set and I join them at the island, Caleb is handing Liz the paperwork. Liz grabs a pen off the counter and I can tell she hesitates for a split second before connecting the pen to the paper and signing her name. “Thanks for doing this. I just wanted to go ahead and sign it before I can talk myself out of it.”

  Caleb places his hand on her shoulder for reassurance. “It’s no problem. I hope the asshole stays away from you. With this he’s not to reach out to you at all. That includes phone calls, texts, and emails. If he does, call one of us or 911. Just remember to go turn the paperwork into the police station so the order can be filed.”

  Liz gives Caleb a single nod before he walks around her and heads for the door. At the door I give him a fist bump. “Thanks for doing this man. I owe you.”

  Caleb shakes his head slightly. “Yes, you do. You can buy me a beer Friday night.” Caleb waves bye to Liz over my shoulder before whispering, “She’s beautiful. No wonder you're still hung up on her.” I push him away as he laughs, “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  “Alright man.” I wave bye to him and close the door. Before turning around and joining Liz in the kitchen, I take a deep breath. I really hope she still wants to talk.

  Liz is waiting for me leaning against the island when I walk back into the kitchen. “Are you okay?”

  She nods as I walk over to her and stop about a foot from her. “I saw you hesitate and the indecision in your eyes. Is the restraining order really what you want to do?”

  “I don’t know. I want him to leave me alone. You should have heard some of the voicemails he left me. I don’t want to ruin his career with having him arrested because I thought I loved him once. But a part of me is saying I should do something more so he can’t hurt someone else.”

  “You can only do what you’re comfortable with. But whatever happens in the future with him is on him, not on you. What’s important is that you saw something was wrong, got out, and are protecting yourself.”

  “I guess. It just feels… I don’t know how to explain it.” She takes a deep breath, gives me a fake smile and walks over to the oven. “At least the restraining order will be done and hopefully he won’t hurt someone else.�
�� She pauses and I can tell she’s done with this topic. “Let’s eat. I’m starving. We can talk afterwards.”

  I want so bad to tell her she can think about the restraining order a little longer, but in my gut, I know she needs to file it as soon as possible. She’s already started getting her tacos ready and my stomach growls at the thought of eating. “Okay let’s eat.”

  After dinner I help her clean up the kitchen before we both grab a beer and head to the couch. She sits on the other side of the couch facing me with her knees to her chest and a blanket laying over her legs. I take a drink of my beer trying to think of how to start this. I’ve waited six year for this and now my mind goes blank. “Liz…”

  Chapter Seven

  Liz

  I really need a drink in order to have this conversation with Liam. I don’t really ask Liam if he wants one as well, instead I just hand him a beer and head to the living room. Based on the long drink Liam takes from his beer when he sits down, I can tell this isn’t going to be easy for him either.

  He just stares at me for a few seconds and I wish I could tell what he’s thinking. “Liz… I’m not sure where to start.”

  I just sit there in silence allowing him to form his words. “I’m sorry for just standing there and not doing anything. I was an idiot. I was shocked to see you there and I didn’t even fully register what was going on until after you pushed past me. I know I can’t change the past but I want you to know that I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you and stop it when it happened. I know it’ll be hard for you to forgive me but I hope you can accept my apology and we can be friends again.”

  The pain and guilt that he feels shows through his eyes as he apologizes. I know that he would’ve stopped them if he could go back in time. Throughout these last several years I’ve realized that I’m not really mad at Liam for standing there. I know he was shocked. I know he did everything in his power to have those pictures deleted and I know he made sure nobody at school ever talked about what happened after that day. It was the things Carly said that broke me and made me doubt everything between Liam and myself.

  I guess it’s time to tell him what happened before he got there. “Liam, it wasn’t you doing nothing that broke me.” He gives me a confused look and I can tell he’s trying to think back to that day on what else he did. His eyes connect with mine when he can’t figure it out and he silently asks me to explain. I take a deep breath and start. “Before you showed up Carly and her friends did their best to bring me as low as possible. Don’t get me wrong, you just standing there solidified everything they said and it pushed me over the edge that I was already tilting on.”

  Liam leans forward resting his elbows on his knee and runs his fingers through his short hair. “I don’t understand. What did Carly say to you that made you hate me?”

  I feel my self-doubt building inside me just thinking back to everything she said. It took me a long time to get my confidence back, especially in a relationship. My eyes start to get blurry as tears fill them and my hand starts to shake from the anxiety of having to relive this. This next part isn’t going to be easy. I kick the blanket off and stand up from the couch and start pacing. “She told me I was no one special to you. I was just someone to test out and fill the space until you got back with her. She repeated everything you ever said to me that made me feel special and different from everyone else. Like you had said the exact same things to her.”

  I wipe the few tears that have fallen from my cheeks and turn back to find Liam standing a foot from me. “What did she say to you that made you feel like you were not special to me?”

  I squeeze my eyes shut trying to stop the tears and shakes my head. “Please…I don’t know what to say it. Please don’t make me.”

  I can sense him stepping closer to me and when he places his hands on my cheeks, I can feel myself calm a little bit. “Hey… open your eyes for me.” He tilts my head up and I open them. “You don’t need to say it. But you need to know whatever Carly told you was a lie. You were special to me and you still are. You were my best friend, my love, and the woman I want to be with forever. It killed me losing you that day.”

  I want to believe him so bad but how would she know about him calling me his sun unless he called her that too? The way he’s looking at me right now I can tell he’s wanting me to believe him, but because of Carly I now doubt every sweet thing a man ever says to me. I really need some space to think. Wrapping my hand around his wrists, I pull his hands from my face and step back from him. “This has been a long day and I need time to think. Can you please go?”

  He nods, but doesn’t move. “Of course, I’ll go. I just want to say one thing.” I give him a short nod, giving him permission. “I don’t want to go back to us not talking. I want you in my life. I want you to want me back into yours as well.”

  I don’t really know what to say. I know he’s going to be around now but can I allow that trust to grow back? “Just give me time.”

  He smiles at me making me feel like I just made his day and I can’t help the small smile that forms on my face. I follow him to the door and right before he leaves, he turns and pulls me into a hug. His body presses against mine and my breath catches as his body heat warms me and familiar feelings wash over me. I quickly push away from him hoping it will stop this feeling, but it doesn’t.

  Liam smiles at me, probably knowing I’m going through an internal struggle before opening the door. “I’ll be up all night getting ready for my night shift tomorrow, so if you need anything or want to talk just call.”

  I really need him to leave so I can get my head on straight. “I’ll be fine.” These feelings I’m having towards him are definitely not something I ever thought I’d feel again and it’s really screwing with my head.

  Our eyes connect one last time before he closes the door behind him and I’m left with my screaming thoughts in a silent apartment. After making sure the door is locked, I head to my room and get ready for bed. Today has been a long day and I’m exhausted. But as I’m lying in bed trying to fall asleep, my mind won’t shut off. It keeps switching between Bryan and Liam. Will Bryan follow the restraining order and stop contacting me? Did I do the right thing in not pressing charges? Will he abuse his next girlfriend? Why has he become so angry and hateful?

  And as all those questions run around in my head about Bryan, my questions about Liam are louder. I never thought I’d ever talk to Liam again, let alone have these feelings again towards him. It’s like as soon as we touch, my body is transported back to high school and all the loving feelings come back. But when his body was pressed against mine and I had my hands on his sides, there was more than loving feelings. There was desire and I could feel it all the way to my core. How could I feel this way for him? Shouldn’t I want to keep my distance from him? I still don’t know what to believe. Was I really special to Liam like he said and Carly lied? But if she lied how did she know he said those things to me?

  I run my hands over my face and let out a heavy breath. There are too many questions to answer and I don’t have the energy to try to answer any one of them. I try to out weight my thoughts by whispering sleep over and over in my head. When I feel my eyes start to get heavy, I let out a happy sigh and quickly accept sleep.

  Chapter Eight

  Liz

  Coming home from work Tuesday, I find Mack already home with two wine glasses poured and a pizza on the coffee table. “Hey! What ya doing? Are you having a date here?”

  She pauses her show and turns to smile at me. “Nope. Go get changed. We’re having a girl’s night.”

  I’m so excited I practically run to my room. All day I’ve continued to have a million questions about Bryan and Liam running through my head and I could really use her advice on everything. I curl into the couch with my wine glass in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, a few minutes later in my pajamas. “How was your date last night? I’m surprised to see you here tonight.”

  “The date was great. We had a lot
of fun. He has to work tonight but I’m sure I’ll see him soon.”

  Really. That’s all she’s going to say. I want the play by play. “So, are you going to tell me about him? What’s his name? Where does he work? How did you meet him?”

  She blushes a little and her smiles grows as she thinks about him. Wow! I’ve never seen her this happy this quick into dating someone new. It makes me really curious about who this guy is. Mack catches me staring at her. “I don’t want to talk about him right now. I want to talk about you and the fact that Bryan has been harassing you and Liam showed up to save you.”

  What!?! How does she know about that? I was already asleep when she got home. I give her a confused look and I see the realization that she shouldn’t know flash across her face. “How do …”

  “Drew called me last night wondering where I was when everything went down.”

  Based on how she’s messing with her hair, I have a feeling that’s not entirely true. I stare at her for a few seconds trying to figure out what she’s hiding. Mack’s eyes connect with mine and she gives me a ‘what you looking at’ look, making me chuckle. “Okay what do you want to know?”

  She wiggles into the couch getting comfortable and ready for the story. “Everything!”

  I chuckle again. “Well you know about the texts and voicemails Bryan left me this weekend. At work yesterday, Bryan’s calls and texts changed.” I hand her my phone and show her. “He was calling me an ungrateful bitch. That I’m not allowed to leave him. That I’m nobody and no one will ever love me.”

  I can see Mack wince from the verbal assault Bryan gave me yesterday. “Geez Liz this is awful. You don’t believe him, do you?”

  I shake my head. “I know he’s just mad and trying to hurt me. After receiving several of these calls and texts, I blocked him. I’m guessing that really pissed him off and he decided to come here. Luckily, I didn’t open up the door when he knocked. Based on how loud he was knocking, I thought he was going to break down the door.”