Wanting Us Page 8

  A few minutes after sending the photos, my phone goes off. Surprised that they were able to find out who the guy was so fast, I answer, “Wow. That was fast.”

  “Liam…” That’s Charlie’s voice. Why is he calling? “It’s mom… She’s in the hospital.”

  “What?! What happened? Where are you?”

  “Wake County Hospital. You need to come.”

  I pull out onto the road and quickly head towards the hospital. Sam looks at me confused but keeps his mouth shut. “I’m on my way. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

  I hang up the phone before Charlie can say anything else and call my Chief. “Hey Chief. I have a family matter come up. My mom’s in the hospital. I’m going to need to take the rest of the night off.”

  “Liam that’s fine. I just got word that the dealers name is Bradley Jones and the apartment complex you were just at is his residence so you won’t miss a thing. You go to your mom and make sure to keep me updated if you need more than a few days off. Tell Sam to come back to the station I’ll give him his assignment when he gets here.”

  “Thank you Chief.”

  The streetlight I’m approaching turns yellows but I’m not stopping. I hit the accelerator and Sam grabs the handle above the window. “Geez man. What’s going on?”

  “My mom is in the hospital. Chief said for you to head back to the station after I’m dropped off at the hospital.”

  “What about the dealer?”

  “The Chief will fill you in. I need to get to my mom.”

  Sam nods and keeps his mouth shut for the rest of the ride. When we get to the hospital, I screech the car to a stop outside the main entrance and jump out of the car leaving Sam in the car without a word. The front desk lady looks at me surprised as I run towards for her. “Michelle Camden.” I reach the counter and she isn’t looking up anything yet. “I need to know what room Michelle Camden is in.”

  “Are you family?”

  “Yes.” I say it a little louder than I attended and she jumps. I take a breath, calming myself. “Sorry. She’s my mother.”

  Before the lady can look anything up, I hear Charlie calling my name. Turning towards him, he waves me over and starts heading to the elevators. I quickly jog to catch up with him in order to reach the elevator before the doors close. The elevator is crowded, so even though I want to grill my brother on what happened, I stand there quietly as the elevator stops on each floor.

  At the third floor, my brother steps off the elevator and I follow closely behind. I open my mouth to question him when he starts talking first. “Tonight, I took mom to dinner but during dinner she wasn’t feeling well. She couldn’t really explain what was wrong but she looked exhausted and weak so I took her home and stayed there. About an hour ago I heard a noise coming from her room like something fell and I found her on the floor, seizing. They’re saying that she had a stroke and the seizure was a result of the stroke. They just finished up some testing and the doctor should be by soon with the results.”

  Charlie stops in front of a closed door and I run my hands over my hair processing everything. I’m glad Charlie was there because she could’ve died if he wasn’t. He looks at me with concern like he can read my mind and he grabs my shoulder, telling me he thought the same thing. I pull him into a hug. “Thanks for staying with her.” He hugs me tighter and when we step away from each other I ask, “How is she doing? Is she going to be fine?”

  “I wish I knew. She’s awake right now but I can tell she’s really weak. I think she’s been holding out to go to sleep until you got here. She’s trying to be strong but I can tell she’s worried.” Charlie reaches behind him for the door handle. “Are you ready to see her? Just keep in mind she doesn’t look like herself.”

  What does he mean by that? I take a breath and give him a nod. He opens the door and I walk in first. My mom is sitting with the bed propped up looking too small. Her beautiful thick brown hair looks thin and oily. Her olive tone skin is now pale grey and her brilliant blue eyes are filled with worry with dark circles underneath them. All I want to do is pull her into a hug but based on how she looks I’d probably break her in half. So instead I give her the biggest smile hoping she can’t see my worry but can see how much I love her.

  She pats the bed and I walk over to her, wrapping both my hands around hers. “Hi, my love.”

  “Hi Mom. How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

  She places her other hand on my cheek and I sit down in the chair next to her so she doesn’t have to reach too far. “I’m fine, honey. This is a whole lot of fuss for nothing. You know me. I’ll be back to normal tomorrow.”

  Charlie sits in the chair on the other side of the bed and we both exchange a look, knowing she will not be back to normal tomorrow. I’m not sure what is wrong but whatever it is, it’s something we need to worry about. I wish my dad was here right now. He was a Trauma Physician at this hospital when he died three years ago in a freak accident. He was helping a patient who was coming down from an awful high when the patient freaked out, shoving him. My dad lost his balance, falling back and hitting his head against the corner of the supply cart. He received a serious head injury and never woke up again. He’s the reason why I finally made the push to get into narcotics; to hopefully stop other deaths that are caused because of drugs. If he was here now, he’d be able to give us some insight on what we should expect.

  About twenty minutes later two doctors walk into the room and both my mom and Charlie look confused. I turn to the doctors and the younger one steps towards me with his hand out, so I stand up and shake his head. “Hello. I’m Dr. Cruz, the admitting physician.” I give him a hello nod and he motions towards the other doctor. “This is Dr. Onslow, the oncologist on call.”

  Mom, Charlie, and I are all confused by this introduction. “Oncologist?”

  Dr. Onslow steps forward so he’s standing at the end of my mom’s bed and I sit back down and take my mom’s hand again. “Mrs. Camden, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but you have stage four ovarian cancer.” He pauses for a second to let everything sink in.

  Cancer…Cancer? This can’t be happening. How do they know it’s cancer? What does stage four mean? What are the treatment plans? She’s going to survive this, isn’t she? Dr. Onslow continues, “The MRI and CT scans we did earlier shows that you have tumors all over your ovaries and it has spread throughout your body.” He pauses again but this time I don’t stay quiet.

  “Is this something that can be cured?”

  It’s just a second, but I see sorrow in his eyes. “I’m afraid not. With treatment I’d say you have six months to live.” My mom gasps and as I turn to look at her, I see the tears running down her cheeks. I let go of her hand and she quickly brings it up to her mouth, covering it. I hand her a tissue and start rubbing her arm. Dr. Onslow seems to understand we need to process everything, so he and Dr. Cruz back away from us and head towards the door. “Mrs. Camden. You should get some sleep. I’ll come back by tomorrow around ten so we can discuss your options.”

  My mom nods and squeaks out a thank you as both doctors walk out of the room. When we’re alone in the room again you can feel the sadness. We’re all taking in the fact that she’s probably not going to make it to the end of the year. We sit in silence for a while and when I look at my mom, I can see she’s exhausted, worried, and in shock. Basically, how I’m feeling too. Charlie is still holding onto her hand like if he lets go, she’ll slip away from us and he’ll break down in tears.

  I feel a tear run down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away because I don’t want my mom to see, but of course she does. She places her hand on my cheek and for the second time tonight, it takes everything in me not to break down. “My loves. You should go home. It’s late and we all need our sleep.” I open my mouth to insist we stay with her but she stops me. “I’m going to be fine. They aren’t going to allow anything to happen to me here. Please get some sleep. You can come back in the morning.”

  She p
ulls both of our hands to her mouth individually and kisses them before lowering the bed and getting ready to sleep. Charlie stands up first and kisses her cheek. “Okay mom. Sleep well. We’ll be back in the morning. I’ll bring Karen and Gracie by tomorrow afternoon after we see the doctor.”

  He heads to the door and I kiss her cheek. “I love you mom. We’ll figure this out. Sleep well.”

  I meet Charlie in the hallway, closing the door behind me. Charlie pulls me into a hug and we just hug each other for several minutes. I always knew that one day my mom would pass but I never thought it would be so soon. Charlie’s phone chiming breaks our silence and our hug. “It’s Karen wanting to know when I’m heading home.”

  I nod in understanding and we both head towards the elevators. Riding down the elevator, all I can think about is how I’m losing my mom and it’s killing me. I can’t go home right now and sit in my silent room. I need to talk everything out with someone and while it can be Charlie, I can tell how exhausted he is and his family is waiting for him.

  Charlie grabs my shoulder as we walk out of the elevator and heads to the front entrance. “You want to stay at my house tonight? We can discuss everything that’s going on in our heads.”

  I shake my head no. “You go home to your family. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I give him a hug before he walks to his car. I know where I want to be tonight. I just hope she wants me there. I pull out my phone and order an Uber before calling her.

  She answers with a groggy voice and it’s apparent I woke her up. “Hello?”

  “Hey Liz.” All of a sudden, I feel my emotions coming up and I try my best to choke them down. “Can I come over?”

  “Is everything okay Liam?”

  I shake my head while running my free hand over my eyes. “No, it’s not. Please Liz.”

  “Okay. Come over.”

  My Uber arrives and I quickly get into the back. “Thank you! I should be there in ten minutes.”

  “Do you want me to stay on the phone until you get here?” I don’t say anything because I do want her to stay on the phone but I don’t know what to say to her. Instead I just let out a silent breath and rest my elbows on my knees and run my hand over my face again. She seems to understand that I don’t want to get off the phone so she says, “Please just tell me you’re not hurt.”

  “I’m not.”

  I hear her let out a breath. “Okay.” The rest of the ride we’re silent. I’m trying to process everything and I want to talk to her about it but I don’t want to say it over the phone. The car ride seems to take forever but listening to the sound of her breathing holds me together so I don’t break down. When I finally arrive, I give the driver a silent nod and get out of the car.

  Liz must hear me close the car door. “Are you here?”

  “Yeah. I’m walking up the steps now.”

  “Okay, I’m hanging up. I’ll meet you in the hallway.”

  I round the corner to her hallway putting my phone in my pocket when I see her standing right outside her door in her pajama shorts and tank top with her hair in a messy bun. I walk right up to her and wrap my arms around her. She wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me closer to her.

  It feels like we’re there for forever when I finally let it out. My tears start rolling down my cheeks. “It’s my mom.”

  She leans back and places her hands on my cheeks. “Come inside.”

  Taking my hand in hers, she pulls me into the apartment and to her room after locking the door. Instead of just sitting on the edge of the bed, she climbs underneath the covers and pulls me with her. I stay on the far side of the bed because I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me in her bed. She, however, pulls me closer to her so we’re facing each other with only a few inches in between us. She’s still holding my hand when she finally asks, “What’s going on with your mom.”

  “She’s in the hospital.” I tell her everything from what Charlie told me to what the doctors said and as I say it, I’m crying and Liz is trying to comfort me.

  When I’m finished telling her everything and I’m able to stop crying, I roll onto my back looking up at her ceiling and she curls into my side to rest her head on my chest. “I’m so sorry Liam. I wish I could make this go away for you. Will you tell me what else is on your mind?”

  She really does know me. She knows I wouldn’t have come here and woken her up just to tell her what happened. “I’m just not sure what to do? Should she go through chemo just to live a few extra months but be in pain, throwing up, losing her hair? Should I move home with her to take care of her? With my dad it was so sudden but with her it’s going to be long and hard to watch her die. I’m not sure I can handle it.”

  “Liam, a lot of those questions can’t be answered tonight. They are something you and your family need to figure out but I want you to remember that no matter what the answers are I’m here for you and so is Drew and Mack. You’re not dealing with this alone. I saw how upset you were about your father’s death and I’m sure this is going to be ten times harder but I believe you can handle this. You’re stronger than you think you are and if you do break, I’ll be here for you.”

  “Thanks.” I wrap my arm around her back. “I just know these next months are going to be hard. I’m just afraid that the beautiful image I have of my mother will be tainted with the images of her dying. Even tonight seeing her so small and sickly, I almost didn’t recognize her. Watching her die is going to be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do.”

  She sits up a little and looks at me. “It will definitely be the hardest time but you also need to make these last few months special for her. But for you, the happy memories you have of her are the ones that need to stay in your head. She’ll want to be remembered in those ways not in the next months. Try to think that for the last twenty-four years she has worked so hard to create great memories for you and these next several weeks aren’t for you but for her. Make the last several weeks the best in her life.”

  We both lay there in silence for several minutes after she lays her head back down on my chest. As I lay there, I run everything that has happened this evening again through my head along with everything Liz said and I know she’s right. But there was one thing that I’m confused about. I’m not sure if she’s fallen asleep but I slightly rub her back and she looks up at me. “Can I ask you something?”

  She nods. “Of course.”

  “How did you know my father’s death was hard on me?”

  “I was at you dad’s funeral and wake. I intentionally stayed in the back and made sure you didn’t see me. But I saw you and I could see how upset you were. I did, however, speak to your mom and brother at the wake and they also told me how you were doing. They really wanted me to speak to you but I couldn’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I was still hurt by everything and I still loved you. You have this power over me that I can’t explain and if I had spoken to you then, seeing you hurt, I would have just wanted to wrap my arms around you.”

  “Maybe I needed that.” I run my fingers up and down her arms.

  She looks away from my face to my chest like she can’t say the next words to my face. “But I couldn’t at the time. Please forgive me for that. I’m here now for you.”

  “I know you are and I understand why you didn’t three years ago.” We lay there in silence again but after a few minutes, I can tell Liz has fallen asleep. Wondering if I should leave, I try to move out from under her but she just holds me tighter. I feel a smile form on my face at the thought of her wanting to be near me. Snuggling deeper into the bed, I pull her closer to me and fall asleep.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Liz

  The sun shining through my window wakes me up and I think to myself it’s been forever since I’ve woken up before my alarm. As I fully awake, I can feel the weight of his arm, but instead of me laying on his chest like I fell asleep last night, I’m now on my side facing the other way and he’s behind me with his
arm over my waist.

  Looking at the clock, I see it’s six in the morning and my alarm is about to go off in fifteen minutes. Knowing that Liam didn’t get much sleep and he needs to sleep some more, I reach for my phone to text my boss letting him know I’ll be in late because I have an emergency I have to deal with. When I get the okay from him, I settle back into bed but instead of facing towards the windows, I turn to face Liam.

  At some point last night he must’ve taken off his dress shirt and dress pants because when I fell asleep, he was fully clothed. Taking my eyes off his partially dressed body, I look up at his sleeping face and take in how peaceful he looks. But I know as soon as he wakes up his mind will start running a mile a minute. It takes everything in me not to run my fingers lightly down his face and wipe away all his worries. Seeing him last night in my hallway he looked exhausted, worried, emotionally beaten, and like he had the weight of the world on his back.

  When he came right over to me and wrapped me in a hug, I knew there was nowhere else I wanted to be. Liam needed me and I knew he came to me for comfort so I pulled him to me, allowing him to lean on me. Hearing that this was about his mom, I could feel him trying to keep himself together and I knew he needed to let it out.

  Did I intend to let him in my bed or stay the night? No. But seeing him, I knew he needed me as close as possible for as long as possible. But if I’m going to be honest with myself, waking up with him this morning was no hardship for me. It actually feels normal and comfortable. Makes me think about what it would be like if this was our normal. No. I can’t think that. We are friends.

  Realizing I need to distance us, I gently remove his arm from around me and turn away from him. I close my eyes trying to get some more sleep but it never comes because even though there is distance between us, I can still feel him and my earlier thoughts keep repeating in my head along with what it would be like to be with him again.